An open letter about Scott Talley

Recently Scott passed away. I went to his memorial service yesterday, and while the pastor did a nice job, the service didn't really speak about Scott in the way that matter most. So I will.    Scott was married to my ex-wife for the last 19 years. Scott and I shared an ex-wife but more importantly, we shared children... and that's about all we had in common. Scott and I could not have been any different as men, but we could not have been any more bonded than we were as fathers. We actually shared our kids. All of them. Scott had three boys (Jeff, Tony and Nick) who are just about as good as any parent could wish for. My ex-wife and I had 3 kids who are simply wonderful.    When my kids were very young they still lived with my ex and Scott. Scott was always kind to my kids. He loved them and cared for them the best way he knew how. I recall seeing my daughter brushing Scott's hair one day when she was about 6 or 7 years old. Scott sat there, surrounded by other adults at a basketball game and he let a little girl brush his hair for what seemed like forever. She was comfortable with him because he was patient and he cared for her. If his kids got two dollars from him, so did mine. If my kids had a game, he was there. He was all that a man could hope for in a stepdad. He loved my kids; never harmed. He wasn't a role model...but he was a good person.    And then there's his kids. For the last three summers Scott let his oldest son live with me. There is no doubt that in the last few years I have influenced Jeff more than Scott has...Scott knew that and was ok with it. In fact, he encouraged and helped me and Jeff bond. Jeff is a bright, handsome, talented young man. I feel as though Jeff is my sixth kid. He hopes to go to law school someday and join me at the firm. Scott would bring Jeff to my house on Sunday nights and pick him up on Friday nights. Jeff would tell Scott all the things he and I did: basketball, trials, depositions, movies, golf...And Scott never showed envy or jealousy...he never said a discouraging word. Not many fathers would allow their sons to be influenced by another man...let alone his wife's ex husband. But Scott knew this was good for Jeff; that it was best for him; that Jeff could be afforded opportunities that he couldn't get elsewhere. Scott let me bond with Jeff in ways that none of us could have ever predicted. And for that I will forever be indebted to him.    Scott also let me take his other boys (Tony and Nick) with me on vacations to Florida...they got to spend weekends at my house. They are young men any man would be proud of. The boys came to my family's thanksgiving and Christmas because Scott allowed them to have two families. He was always there for his boys...even though they didn't realize it some days. He was at every game, took them to every sleep over...taught them how to fish, watched movies with them. Scott certainly wasn't perfect...but what I saw on Sunday was the cumulative impact of his life: he had left behind 7 kids (including his older son, BJ) who loved him and who he loved. He was kind and he tried to be a good father. That is all that really matters and that is what people need to remember.